To Look in Retrospect- “Starting Life”

Time to time I like to go back and re-read my past bits of brain spittle…that portion of me I arrogantly consider literate. It is always pleasing when I discover a piece that still confirms that at one point in my life I had the ability to weave my words together into a symbiotic fabric. Now what a “symbiotic fabric”means, I suppose I’ll have to ask you to be a bit open minded and creative in your exploration of the term. But perhaps it is simply a symptom of my relative inability to access any coherent dialogue with my brain. My college essays were always bloody with professorial queries of “What does this phrase ‘……..’ mean?”  Either way, as my metaphysical feet turn to raisins in a retrospective bath, here is  a little bit of what I think is a decent  attempt at “symbiotic fabric” weaving. Have a heart, give it  a read…and don’t forget to identify and laugh.

Starting Life

Man, it’s literally been years since my last FB note. I hardly know how to fill in the blank gap between my last note and now. Predictably my writing has been a bit on the back burner these past couple of years due to school deadlines and creative endeavors, but over the last six months I’ve begun once more to “take to the pen”…or rather the key board. I won’t pretend my words sound as eloquent or lively as they once were, for some of my impetuously confident youth seems to have transformed into something immovably quieter. Should I call it maturity? I dare not, for in many ways I fear I have digressed into many forms of foolish insecurity. You see, my words come slower, although my thoughts quicker and deeper, and my breath seems short winded as I try to verbalize all I think and feel. My own intense introspection has lead to a candid self awareness that I remain helpless to tame. A wise man recently told me that sometimes the fullness of your thoughts and opinions are meant to be understood by you alone and that all we can do is deliver the skeleton of our precious, self discovered theories. Unfortunately a woman of many words struggles with this concept, and I have been reluctantly trying to conquer my fear of misunderstanding. There is no way I could fully express  to anyone, in so few words as a passing conversation allows, concepts that have taken me years to realize. I know that now, and from here I will progress.

My good friends and family know that I am preparing a journey that will hopefully take my thoughts, writing, art and human understanding to a whole different level. To those of you who have just stumbled upon this bloggy note it is here that I am quickly telling you I am traveling to Switzerland and Holland this coming January-April. After 9 weeks at a (for lack of a better term) philosophical commune I will take my travels further as I WOOF in the Netherlands for 2-3 weeks. “For pleasure or school?” I’ve been asked, and to be honest, the answer is “both”. As ironic as it has manifested to me I actually take the greatest pleasure from learning (or perhaps I have too great a fear of ignorance) and I’ve always wanted to learn in a non restricted, non traditional way. In fact I feel as though this philosophical endeavor is almost Miltonic, and thus rather inherently, classical Greek. As romantic a recipe as the Swiss Alps, philosophical communes, and foreign acquaintances sound the realities of my secondary, but hardly lesser, leg of the journey as a WOOFer should bring my learning into worldly perspective. (Although I can not guarantee that my grammar or spelling will be in any way improved)

With so much time dedicated to reading and writing, I trust and hope that the marks of my pen will soon be able to paint the masterpieces I have all tied up in my conscious mind, and perhaps shine a light into my cob-webby subconscious, too. Pen and ink will be my closest friends these coming months and so the internet will become my venue for thought, projecting my theories, discoveries and journeys to the public eye. I will be creating a blog in the next few weeks and that will be where I post all my updates, images and travel logs. Not only will I be writing on my journey, but I will also be designing artistically hopefully discovering how to marry my literature and art together to one mind. Please let my mind and my journey, which being laid out openly before you, be as a canvas to which you may act the critic. And through these observations of my own experiences you may discover something to help shape and develop your own. I can only pray that my self-discovery will help lead you to your own.





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